I like being tan. I mean, who doesn’t? When it’s summer, you’re kind of supposed to be tan, and when you’re not, it’s kind of bothersome. But there’s definitely a point when you should be able to look at yourself and go, “Yup, that’s good” and lay off the sun. Some people are just a) blind b) like having leathery skin c) really want skin cancer d) don’t have any concept of too much e) are afraid that they’ll get white if they don’t tan like every second of their life.
When I go to the beach and I see people that are literally the color of a penny and you can TELL they’re just not supposed to be that way because their hair is like bleached blond (GOOD COMBO!) it makes me cry. Like just looking at them, I feel like I’m going to get skin cancer. Do you really not see that having really brown/orange/kind of black but not skin, wearing a hot pink bikini that not only shows off your orange undertones but also exposes old tan lines, and bleaching your hair bright blond just makes you look…I don’t know…bad? Really, those prescription sunglasses aren’t doing anything for you.
So when you walk around the beach in a bikini with really tanned skin that’s wrinkly from overexposure you’re basically saying SUUP BEACH I REALLY WANT CANCER! I mean, if you can’t tell that you’re basically going to shrivel up if you get anymore tan, then I think your brain doctor should help you out there.
Also, YOU WILL REMAIN TAN. It really boggles my mind when I see people that are tan and they’re like OH EM GEE I’M LOOKING SO PALE I NEED TO GO TAN! And I’m like, Actually it’s the middle of winter so when you’re black it doesn’t really look natural, and you’re already pretty much way too tan so yeah…just, no. If you don’t tan for a week and you are already pitch black, I think you can afford to not go tanning for a little while. You won’t die, I promise.
So please if you’re offensively tan, lay off the tanning booths for a little while and save yourself from skin cancer.
