It’s Easy to Have Guy Friends

A lot of girls have problems with guys. I know I did a whole post on how guys are sooo complicated and I’ll never understand them and this is true. I will never understand the flirtatious, potential-boyfriend side. But if you don’t like the guy and you’re not trying to decipher their every move, it’s easy to be friends with them. And it’s a lot of fun.

In my life, I’ve had two main groups of guy friends. I went to private school for four years (fourth through seventh grade) and in the last year, I became really good friends with about four guys. We were super close and I could talk to them like they were my girl friends (minus all the drama). We never got in fights and we could just chill and laugh and they could give me advice about guys and I could give them advice about girls. Of course, I started to fall for one of them at the end of seventh grade, but I had left the school by then so it wasn’t a big deal. I still keep in touch with one or two of them and they are definitely still my best guy friends.

Then I moved schools and I was chill with most of the guys. But I didn’t really have a group of guys that I felt as comfortable with as I did with my girl friends. There just wasn’t that parallel group that was obviously the type to be friends with. But this year, as I moved into high school, there was more room to step away from some of my girl friends and be friends with guys — even if some of my friends weren’t. I wouldn’t say that all the guys in a certain “group”  are my best friends and I can tell them anything, but I definitely have a few guys that are like my best friends. They make fun of me, I’ll make fun of them, but we both know that if and when we need help, we’ll help each other, and I feel totally comfortable around them.

The reason I like having guy friends is because they’re really easygoing. Sometimes with girls, the drama can get overwhelming and the topics can be boring (ENOUGH WITH THE MAKEUP TALK!) Don’t get me wrong, I’d die without my girl friends, but guy friends can be a nice breather. I’ve often heard that I’m “one of the guys” and for me, that’s a compliment. I dress like a girl — I always have to have my hair done, cute clothes, matching jewelry and whatnot — but I can be chill with guys. I don’t believe that I’m a high maintenance person or that I talk incessantly about topics guys could care less about.

There’s a few things that I think can help if you want to have more guy friends or if you want guys to see you as a friend and not a weird, annoying girl or just a “hot” girl.

1. Be a girl and a guy. This might sound weird, but here’s what I mean. Don’t dress like a guy and be all like, “YO SUP MAN? YEAH DUDE BRO GIMMAAAAY SOME YEEEEA!” But don’t talk about your hair, makeup, clothes, and how fat you are (OMG I LOOK LIKE A COW TODAY!) When you know how to just be cool and talk about anything with guys, even if you have to fake it, they’ll see you more as one of them. At the same time, be yourself. If you have no idea what they’re talking about with videogames, you can pretend like you know (which I do all the time: OH YEAH LEVEL 8 IS IMPOSSIBLE!) or ask them questions about it.
2. Don’t talk about girls and drama, but don’t be afraid to ask for advice. Guys don’t care if two girls in your group are fighting about a guy. And if they’re your friends, they’ll probably tell you that they don’t care. Some of your guy friends will like gossip, but some couldn’t care less. Don’t talk to them like they’re girls, because they’re not. But if you want advice on a boy you like or how to get a guy’s attention, don’t be afraid to ask them. That’s one of the best parts about having guy friends — they can tell you what goes on inside the mind of a guy.
3. Don’t be afraid to rag on him. I make fun of my guy friends ALL THE TIME. But that’s just me. If you two have a little insult war going back and forth, it keeps things funny and less flirty (because you don’t want to get all flirty and romantic with your guy friends :P). Not saying you should tell your guy friends how they’re ugly all the time, but you know which ones you can tease and which ones are sweeter and more flirty.
4. Get to know each one separately. Don’t lump all of your guy friends into a group (they’re all nerds goshdarnit!) Everyone in a group is different — I’ve got a flirty friend, a shy friend, a sarcastic insult-y type friend (see #3), a plain out hilarious friend, a friend that’s great for advice etc. When you get to know each of your friends personally (just like girls) you’ll have something to talk about with all of them.

For me, I like to just stay friends with guys because I think it’s so much easier. If you’re just normal and let guys see a funnier, less-girly, and less-annoying side of you, they’ll like you a lot! It’s not that hard to have cool guy friends and still keep your girl friends that you love so much.

I Will Never Understand Guys

To me, guys are a huge mystery. So many girls are like, “Oh, guys are just like girls once you get to know them! They’re so simple!” Well, I know plenty of guys, and zero of them are just like girls, and zero of them are simple (of the ones I actually try and decipher, that is).

Each one of them has a completely different personality, likes a completely different kind of girl, gets annoyed by completely different things. I guess they are similar to girls in a sense but I can never figure out why guys are doing specific things. I think that’s the big question with them: WHY?

How? We all know. When? When do you think? Who? Girls, of course. Where? Once again, self-explanatory. What? …I don’t even know. This one’s up in the air. But Why? is never answered.

For example, a guy could talk to you one day and completely ignore you the next. FOR NO REASON. Just avoid you and nod at you in the hall when just the day before, he was taking every opportunity to talk to you. He could act like he loves you one day and then two days later, you find out he’s asked out another girl or has a girlfriend (unbeknownst to you, of course). The question that always pops up in my mind is WHY WHY WHY?!?! WHY did he act like that around you when he has a girlfriend? WHY won’t he just ASK YOU OUT if he likes you? WHY does he flirt with 50 million other girls? WHY do your friends keep saying he likes you but he never makes a move?

I’ve experienced so many friends who are like, “Oh, I think this guy likes me” and I’ll see them together and be like, “Yeah, he probably does.” Two days later: X has a girlfriend! ….WHAT? WHY? WHO? WHEN? UGH!

When you’re JUST FRIENDS (an inexplicably complex terminology), this problem doesn’t really happen and I can see where the simplicity of a guy’s personality comes in: You like him, he likes you, you’re buds, that’s it. But as soon as it starts moving past that phase (which, believe me, it will) then BAM! 800 new things you have to worry about. Crushes are exhausting. And then complexity of the male species just makes it worse!

Here’s a tip for guys: If you sense that a girl likes you, confront her about it because girls are too “shy” or think its “weird” if they approach a guy first/ask him out. If you like her, ask her out (STOP POSTPONING IT!) If you don’t, then ask her if she’s into you and tell her it WON’T RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP if she does. A girl’s number one fear is that her solid friendship with you will be ruined if she throws her feelings in the mix. If you don’t like her that way, tell her and just act normally as if nothing’s changed.

Not to sound like a handbook, but girls are self-conscious! We (even the most outgoing of us) don’t like approaching guys, so make it easier for us and approach us and take it seriously.

For now, I think I’ve given up on trying to figure out a guy’s motives. I’ve stopped being so analytical and I think I’ll just roll with it and see where it takes me. If I can.

If you’re a girl, do you find guys complicated? If you’re a guy, are you one to approach girls about how you/they feel? What’s your take on the opposite gender?

High School Hierarchy

Socially, high school is stupid. From sixth grade and on (I was REALLY insecure before that), I was never interested in being “popular” or whatever. I had amazing friends and people generally liked me, so I was chill. And since I used to go to a smaller school, the groups were less apparent and everyone kind of lumped together. But in high school it’s a WHOLE different story.

The thing is, it’s not concrete like you think it would be in the movies: preps, nerds, jocks, band geeks, cool kids etc. It’s all mixed around and it’s not specific GROUPS per se, it’s more the reputation that various PEOPLE earn. And since so many people constantly do the omg-I-love-you-wait-I-hate-you thing, it’s hard to keep track of groups. Generally, when people who are friends have the same reputation, you can call them a “group.” But I always think it’s funny how some people call a group a certain name, when they fall right into that category!

For example, the girls that do drugs or hook up with guy after guy after guy. They bash on ALL the other girls who are like that. This makes me laugh because I’m like, “Okay, if they’re a druggie or the used and abused type, then what are you? The angel?” I heard this ACTUAL exchange in study hall a few weeks ago:

“OMG, did you see X’s latest pictures on Facebook!”

“OMG YES!”

(note: I am in the corner, pretending to be immersed in work and listening, highly amused yet disgusted at the same time…these are the perks of free period)

“I used to be, like, best friends with X, but then I hated her, and then I liked her, but now I hate her again. BUT OMG you should’ve seen the comments Y posted on X’s pictures…they were all like OH YOU’RE SO PRETTY and that just like pisses me off, ya know? I was like OMG if you’re going to hate her just hate her!”

Wow. It really ISN’T that hard to just have good friends AND BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. Girls have so many issues and I think it all has to do with the fact that they’re on the “top” of the hierarchy, at least out of the freshman. They’re the ones guys and girls talk about the most.

Another example is the kids that are “nerds.” This group is great. All of them think that they’re not nerds and that they can establish this self-proclaimed unnerdiness (?) if they call the rest of the group nerds. The other day, there was a fire drill during biology. I’m better friends with a few of the guys in that class than I am with any of the girls so we were just outside talking. Then there was the group of the rest of the guys and another group made up of the rest of the girls. So one of my friends said, “How come Zeenie is only girl not in the girl group?” (To which I answered: “You’re retarded, you know I’m not friends with any of the girls” but I think he was just asking this to fill the silence). His friend said, “We’re the only guys not in the guy group.” The first guy responded, “That’s because that’s the NERD group.” Now, this guy and I are close friends and he’s cool. But he

a) eats lunch/hangs out with a nerdy group

b) is in all Honors which automatically gives you a slight bit of nerdy (like me, but I’ve already accepted that I’m a half nerd)

c) and yeah..is just..I don’t know…he’s not like a full on NERD but he’s definitely not free of this label either

So I just had to laugh. I said, “You think YOU’RE not a nerd?” Of course he denied this quickly. I just think it’s funny how someone, who is kind of nerdy, makes fun of others of his “type.” The best way to go about this is to just accept it! (I have, and it’s fun (: )

It’s also unfair how certain people get written off just because of the people they hang out. If someone is really cool but their friends aren’t “popular” or “pretty” or “social” or whatever, it’s like OMG DISEASE DISEASE THEY’RE WEEEEIRRRD! Have you gotten to know them? Do you know what they’re like? Or are you just judging them ridiculously because they hang out with someone who, OH LOOK AT THAT, you don’t know either! I learned that if you get to know someone, regardless of what other people say about them, it can pay off and you can be really good friends. Now, if you know them, and you hate them, then that’s a different story.

What’s the situation at your high school? What do you think about a school’s automatic “hierarchy?”

“My First Blog”: Dying Alone

My first blog. But I don’t wanna start it that way. Everybody in the world who blogs probably starts with “my first blog,” am I right? Maybe not. I haven’t read too many blogs but I was just surfing the web and was like, “hmm…I wanna start a blog.” So I’m just gonna roll with it and see where it takes me. There’s no right way to blog, is there?

I think the thing most people are worried about, or at least what I’ve heard in the bubble called high school, is that they’ll die hopelessly alone and miserable, calling out the name of their only love as they slip off into eternal sleep. Fine, I made the last part up. But seriously, when I hear the question:

What’s your biggest feeeaar? (to be said in an annoying teenage girl’s voice who thinks she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread)

…I always get:

Dying alooone.

Wow. Reeeaaal original. But even though it seems stupid, it probably is what most people are afraid of.

That’s not my biggest fear. Not at all. Mine would probably be…getting the mail in the middle of the night (or what feels like the middle of the night) because I’m afraid I’m going to get kidnapped by a grossly hairy caveman. ANYWAY, I am a high school freshman, and the thought that I believe sincerely that I’ve never been liked by a guy before (to my knowledge) is sliiiightly frightening. I know what you’re thinking. How do I know? Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but most guys have a more than healthy ego about them, and I’m sure if one of them liked me they would’ve just told me. I’m not intimidating, or socially awkward, or unbearably ugly. Just a normal teenager.

Maybe that’s the reason why most girls are afraid of that, despite their fifty-three boyfriends. Maybe they’re the opposite of me. Maybe, because a guy has never liked me, I have nothing to be afraid of. Those girls who have every guy after them have much more to be afraid of, come to think of it..